Thursday Afternoon...

Never in my life did I think I would have a meeting like the one I did on Thursday. In planning my day and thinking ahead to that particular meeting, nothing seemed strange or uncertain. In fact, it was my first official one-on-one meeting with my new financial advisor. If anything, I was taking a sense of pride in the fact that I had arrived as some kind of "grown up" for whom these sorts of things are reserved. (Although, truly, I should share that the reason I was meeting with him was because due to the crazy life that I lead I figured I should have some kind of life insurance policy.) Nonetheless, I was there with all the necessary documents in hand ready to march into "adulthood" and trick him into thinking I actually have money. :)

As it turned out, all of the offices and conference rooms in our building were being used, so the advisor and I had to meet in this small, hot, window-less room next to a huge copier and a dorm-sized refrigerator. Not all that glamorous after all. However, we started to meet, and things seemed to be going smoothly. We went over my monthly budget, I asked intelligent questions and tried to make him laugh with self-depricating humor, and he showed me my options and made suggestions. At one point, as I was trying to explain large gaps in my work history and share where I would like to be financially in about 2 years, and he got all excited about aggressive investments and money markets. As his voice grew louder and more passionate, I was prepared to hear something from him that would change my financial life, and at that moment when I couldn't wait any longer, he proclaimed, "Balls to the wall, Allison, balls to the wall." Not only was that NOT what I expected to hear, but innocently, I wanted to reply, "I don't have balls." Of course, I had heard that phrase before and had an idea of what it implies, but I had to ask myself, "Is he telling me that we are going to be aggressive and move full speed ahead?" Or "Is he telling me that the next few months or years might be uncomfortable?" I wasn't quite sure where this was headed.

For that moment, I ignored it and we moved forward. After ordering my life insurance policy and talking through a number of IRA's, we were finishing the paperwork and seemed to be wrapping up our meeting, when he hits me with another surprise. He looks at me says, "Now, I need to give you an HIV/AIDS test. I will open the package and hold it out to you and take the swab out of it so that only you touch it. Then, I need you to swab the inside of your cheeks on both sides and then hold it against the inside of one check for a minute. I will time you and tell when the minute is up. Then, I need you to place it in this tube and break the stick off. Ok?"

HAHAHA...I thought to myself. Are you kidding me? I've already had an HIV/AIDS test this year, and it was no joke (More on that later!). How can saliva and sticking this swab in my mouth really tell you that? Don't you need a blood sample? You're a financial planner?! I don't ask my lawyer to take a stool sample?! What is going on here? This kind of thing must only happen to me! After all of that internal dialogue, I did what he said and very quickly we were finished. I was dying to get out of that hot window-less dungeon (gets more dramatic as the story goes on!) and tell someone about the funny things that had just occurred, so I bust out of the room only to be stopped in my steps by two Hispanic pastors bowed in serious prayer crying out to the Lord in Spanish. So, I tip-toe past them and hope to find someone else. Nope. No one is there. So, I bury this story and reveal it all to my co-workers yesterday in dramatic fashion. As we are all laughing about the things that only seem to happen to me, I chuckle and smile deep inside, because I am grateful the Lord has given me the life that He has and that I can say, "
Never in my life did I think I would be sitting a hot, window-less dungeon with my financial planner listening to him tell me, "balls to the wall," as I take an HIV test while in the next room a Hispanic pastor is crying out to the Lord." What a day. :)